Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
