He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
