So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
