i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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