Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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