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He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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