i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
