If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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