Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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