I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
