Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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