Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
