She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
