Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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