So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
