she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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