dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
