DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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