Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
