1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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