Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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