Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
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