I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
