It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
