question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
