Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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