actually, I'm a sock model
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
