what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
