i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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