Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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