his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
