he puts the penis in happiness.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
