My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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