I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i think i have herpe
just one?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
