i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize