shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
