you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
