she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
