Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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