just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
