chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
