all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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