Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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