You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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