I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
