i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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