lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
