Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
