Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
