this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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