alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
