New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
