booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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