Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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