I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
