guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
