I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
vagina is talking i cant
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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