Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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